But last month, as I watched a TED talk by Robert Waldinger, I was amazed to discover another fact about what keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life.
And that amazing fact isn't what the majority of people think it is!
When you ask people what their most important life goals are - what they think they should be going after in order to have "a good life" - the most popular answers tend to be related to either fame, wealth and/or high achievement.
However, according to the famous Harvard Study of Adult Development, it turns out that the real key to building a happy, healthy, fulfilling and long life is nothing less than maintaining strong and supportive relationships. Indeed, the clearest message that came from the tens of thousands of pages of information that were generated on the lives of 724 men over a periond of no less than 75-years was that good relationships keep us happier and healthier!
In his TED talk, Robert Waldinger therefore shares 3 big lessons about relationships, revealed by this unique study:
1. Social connections are really good for us and loneliness kills.
People who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to colleagues and to the community they live in are happier, physically healthier and they live longer than people who are less well connected. The experience of loneliness and not being able to connect on a deeper level turns out to be toxic: people who are more isolated than they want to be from others find themselves less happy, their health declines earlier in mid-life, their brain functioning declines sooner and they have been proven to live shorter lives.
2. It is the quality of our close relationships that matters.
Robert Waldinger interestingly points out that merely being surrounded by other people is not what protects us from being lonely - many people have reported feeling lonely in a crowd or even in a marriage. And so he highlights the importance of the quality of our close relationships.
Living in the midst of conflict, not being appreciated, not being heard, … are in fact really bad for our health, whilst living in the midst of good, warm relationships has shown to be protective: "good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old", and it isn't our cholesterol level that predicts how old we will become - it is how satisfied we are in our relationships that determines how long we will end up living.
3. Good relationships don't just protect our bodies - they protect our brains.
Building trust, being able to rely on each other when the going gets tough, learning how to genuinely appreciate each other on a regular basis, … these are all very important skills, necessary for building and maintaining strong relationships. And being in securely attached relationships, at home or at work, does not only have a positive impact on our physical health - it equally reinforces our mental health! Because the study has shown that the memories of people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need stay sharper for longer.
The bottom line?
Mastering the art of maintaining good relationships can be a great way to truly thrive in life, both at home and at work. Being able to connect from heart to heart and surrounding ourselves with people who make us feel cared for is vital: it not only increases our energy level, it can clearly also function as a miracle drug (without any side effects!) to improve our health and well-being.
There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that - Marc Twain
Curious to learn to master the art of building strong relationships in this digital age? Interested to know how to tap into our capacity to connect from heart to heart in a culture of overwork, burn-out and exhaustion?
Stay tuned!
I will be happy to share essential information on these topics in my next blogs.
Nathalie Arteel
Leading Angel at the Arteel Group
Motivational Expert
